Looking for a transformation coach?
A short guide to finding “the one”
2019 has been a huge year of change. I don’t know about you — but it seems like almost everyone I know has gone through some kind of huge life transition or life affirming shift this year. I’m betting it’s only going to get wilder in 2020.
Many of us are making big changes in our life. It’s a good idea to reach out for professional help to assist us with our messy unfolding, re-calibration or whatever you want to call it. Someone who’s committed to helping us to realise our best, most delicious and successful selves, can undoubtedly help us locate and invite our magic juice into our lives. Hiring an excellent coach was the best decision I made this year. Paying someone to hold my hand and create a container with me for my own transformation was honestly, pure magic. Yes, we can do this with our loved ones too but there’s something really powerful and simple about having a dedicated relationship for the purpose of transformation.
There’s loads of life stuff that can catalyse transformation. Losing a job, relationship breakdown, getting sick of your own stagnancy…times like these allow us to drop the old behaviours, patterns, bullshit that’s not working and align with a brighter path. Along this road lies more of our unique and beautiful selves. I could write another piece on why this is actually a very decent and responsible thing to do as a human right now. For now I’ll just say, embracing transformation is the way to live a life that allows you to actually be who you are, and strip away conditioning and behaviours that are a hinder rather than a help. And be happy. For me, hiring a coach has been a powerful step that has given me the support, reflection and accountability I need as I evolve.
I believe that hiring the right coach for you, can not only make the whole thing more enjoyable but can seriously deepen the experience and create a bigger shift. Here I’ve outlined some things to consider once you decide to find a coach to work with, or for deciding if the one who’s instagram posts you can’t ignore is really right for you. These approaches could also work for finding the healers, practitioners or therapists too.
Set an intention and get clear on what you want
Why do you want to hire a coach? What is it you want out of the relationship? Where in your life do you want them to help you? A good coach should help you clarify this intention before you begin to work with them, but it’s a good idea to know your overall aims and what you want support with before you begin your search.
What kind of support do you want from this person? Do you need a nurturing, warm person who’s going to hold your hand? Do you need to be lifted, encouraged, challenged or just heard? You don’t need to know all the details, but having clarity around what kind of support and personality would be right for you can be helpful. How long do you want to work with them, and what kind of interaction do you want? The coach I work with offers a few calls per month and then voice note exchanges in between, which looking back has had so much value for me. Perhaps you want written resources, recorded meditations. This is for you. Design it the way you want.
You’re not a magpie
Social media followings and savvy offerings mean someone is good at marketing themselves, and probably good at expressing themselves. It may even mean that they’re a good coach. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are the right coach for you. I’ve been swayed more than once into investing in really attractive looking opportunities. But behind the screen, the substance of the relationship wasn’t there. I didn’t feel a connection. And my transformation fell kind of flat. I still found value in this, of course — but there is always so much more magic when I’ve held out for a golden connection.
Meet some people, and feel.
For me, personal connection is the biggest factor. It doesn’t matter if what they say makes sense, or if they have the skills to support me. If I don’t feel that they really see me…it’s probably not the right person. Feel into this connection. Is this someone you can trust? How did you feel after connecting with them? Perhaps they trigger you. That’s OK — but ask yourself why. I hesitated contacting my coach for around 6 months because I felt really intimidated by her. Eventually I realised she was intimidating because she was confident and successful, qualities I wanted for myself… so I got in touch.
Don’t be afraid to say no, a lot.
In searching for my last coaching relationship, I had free connection/intake calls with around 4 different coaches, and connected with a few others through social media. These were people I already felt a ‘calling’ to explore connection with. Of those I met with on calls, only one person felt like a full body YES. The others were good, and it was nice to know that I had good taste and judgement. But I realised that this person was going to be one of my closest allys for this important period of your life. I really wanted to be sure that they were going to have my back. I wanted to be able to trust them with the smallest and the biggest details, and laugh about it too. So I said no, to some good coaches.
There are many different styles of coaching and as many coach personalities as there are coaches. Just like finding a lover or a business partner, you’ve got to be sure this person is for you. So if you have a call and it doesn’t feel quite right, move on. We can handle the rejection.
Do you actually want this person in your life?
My coach has been a major part of my life for the past 6 months. A core member of my inner circle. So for me, it has to be someone that I felt really comfortable with. This isn’t just someone doing a service for me, this is someone I’m going to have a potentially intimate relationship with. So some questions to ask…
- Do you like them?
- Do you trust them to be honest with you?
- Do you trust them to support you in challenging times?
- Do you respect them, their values and their work?
- Do you feel seen and respected by this person?
- Can you see yourself enjoying working with them?
I’ve compared my coach with a favourite teacher, an older sibling, a favourite aunt, and a badass, straight talking friend. Thinking back, I actually got so much more out of the relationship with her because I allowed myself to be seen by her.
Be brave and match your values
When my current coach told me how much her program was, I felt a bit sick. She’s expensive. But there was also a glimmer of light that said “Yes, I want to work with someone who values her work this highly, because I value myself this highly too”. Her pricing really pushed my limit on budget. But there was a core value here that was meeting mine. You don’t need to match all of them, just to have a sense that you can be allies and will be seen and supported by someone who gets you, on some level.
Committing to working with her has been probably the most powerful personal development decision of this year, if not my life. And it turned out she is one of the most intelligent, skilled coaches I’ve ever met. Her time is worth every penny.
Be cautious with personal recommendations
Whilst word of mouth is a great form of research, make sure you don’t walk blindly into a relationship purely from a recommendation. Do you own research, make sure this person ticks all your own boxes. Even if they made a huge difference for the person who recommended them, it doesn’t mean that they will for you if the feel isn’t right. You have unique history, personality and purpose and deserve someone who will see and celebrate you for all that you are.
Takeaways
- This is a relationship about your life. It’s important to get it right.
- Connection is everything.
- A really transformative coaching relationship is a special thing. Hold out for the magic! ❤
